Prisoner

When Fred dropped me off at my house last night, he joked, “Here we are, back to your prison.” Before living here, I imagined living in a convent wouldn’t be much different from being in jail, but actually, because I’m free to do whatever I want, I never felt like I was living in a prison...

Until today. Right now, I feel like a prisoner in my own house. Here’s why...

I’m terrified of dogs now, especially the dogs here. I believe my fears are justified... I still have scars and holes in my legs where these dogs bit me last month. For a month after I was attacked, however, I never saw the dogs. They’ve been locked up in cages or chained up and were never allowed to roam around. I think it had something to do with some vaccines they’d received, but I’m not sure. Normally, I’d feel really sorry for any creatures that had to be locked up all the time, but I never felt the slightest bit sorry for them. I was glad they were locked away.

Now, they’re allowed to roam around free. The first time I saw one of them, I almost cried. I was afraid to walk from the garage to the car, even though Sister Julie and Sister Anne were standing right there. Last night, when Fred dropped me off, I was afraid to get out of the car. I clung to Fred’s arm as we called Robert, the gatekeeper, to walk me to my own house.

It’s the afternoon now, and I want to get out of the house, to go to the school to do some things or to take a walk, but I can’t, because they’re all outside just waiting hungrily for me to walk into their midst. I really feel like a prisoner in my own house! The jailers are the ugliest creatures I’ve ever seen, and they have sharp teeth and mean spirits. I hate them. I despise them. I loathe them. I have no compassion for them whatsoever. If they were drowning in a pool, I wouldn’t bother to save them. They could all drop dead this very second and I think I’d actually be happier.

When I think about them in my head, I never just think dogs. It’s more like, Those f***ing dogs are outside and I hate them and I wish they were dead!