Today, I took a walk around the neighborhood, and I was smiling the whole time. I took a different route than usual, and I noticed every beautiful thing in a world of dirt roads, open sewers, and chicken shit. Oh, there is this beautiful pink plumeria tree down the road, reaching over the wall surrounding a green house. Another house has nice grass between its cream-colored wall and the gutter! And the sky... oh, the sky always makes me happy. Of course I received many stares, but instead of letting them bother me like I used to, I just waved to the kids and some of the women, all of whom seemed quite excited to see an obruni in their neighborhood.
I’m back, I think. I haven’t been my usual happy, positive, sunny self at all lately. My world was clouded with this strange depression, but the sun is finally breaking through the clouds. If it weren’t for the rain, I say, there wouldn’t be any rainbows. The rainbows are here.
I felt so guilty, being depressed! I wasn’t at my best. People depend on me to cheer them up and bring joy, and I was letting them down. I could only think about myself and my problems instead of thinking about how I could help other people. I believe that the world deserves the best I have to offer, and whenever I give less than my best, I feel such a strong sense of guilt and shame. Today, I gave my best, and although it still wasn’t quite as good as I’m normally capable of, it was the best I could give today, and that’s all I can do. Tomorrow will be better, and the next day will be even better than that, etc. 2009 will be such a great year!
I just started my second week of being a Class 4 teacher! The first week was a bit stressful, but I think once we sort out the timetables, it will be much better. Most of the kids in my class are really great, but there are two with behavioral problems who are constantly disrupting the class. I’m not really sure what I’m going to do about them. Oh, but most of the kids are so sweet! I can’t help but adore them.
Now that I’m back, I think I’ll be writing more. That’s the main reason why I haven’t been writing in here lately... I’ve been depressed. I’ve also been busy writing other things, working on other projects, which will continue to keep me busy, but hopefully I’ll still be able to find a few minutes here and there to write about my hopefully happy life for your reading pleasure. Enjoy! :)
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1 comment:
Kate, I'm sorry to here you were feeling so down, but happy to know that things are getting better for you. I think we all go through moments in our lives like that. It must be a lot harder to deal with those feelings when you're on the other side of the world, though! I think you have it right: look for and enjoy the beauty in everyday things, take each day as it comes and remember you have people who love you and care about you.
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